Today....I'm going to reveal how "selfish" I am.
I was taught to never turn down a calling in church. Whatever I was asked to do, I should accept it and be grateful for the opportunity. Right? And so I've done that.
Since becoming an adult and going to the family ward where you begin to get jobs to do...this has been my "lot"
14-15 year old Sunday School: 1 year
moved to Buhl
CTR 8 Primary: 1 year
moved to TF
CTR 8 Primary: 2 1/2 years
moved into house
12- 13 year old Sunday School: 1 1/2 years
Choir pianist/Primary fill in pianist: 1 year
2nd Counselor in Primary: 1 year
moved into current home
CTR 6 Primary: 1 year
For those of you unaware of what Primary is, it is where the kids that are aged 3-11 go to learn about Jesus. Got it? Ok...we'll move on.
Are you catching the trend? I have practically LIVED in Primary my entire adult life. Which is when we're supposed to be out of Primary learning "bigger" things. Right? Yes....not so much for Ashlee.
Here's where the selfish part comes in.
I'm done. I can't do it anymore. I love Primary. I do. I love the innocent faith of all the little kids in Jr. Primary. But, I need more. I get absolutely nothing out of church. Nada. I fight with my 2 year old during sacrament meeting {where we all get together for talks...much like a sermon} because she can't sit still...and then I get two more hours of babysitting other parents' 6 year olds. I know...I'm being a little negative here. But at this point, that is beginning to feel like what it is. A babysitting job. I know I'm teaching them important things. And I love it when they understand. In fact, today I taught them about gratitude and how important it is to say thank you to people and to God for everything we have. For fun, I taught them how to say thank you in six different languages. They thought it was hilarious. And it was funny listening to them try to say it in Japanese. :0) But, in the middle of all of this I am attempting to get them to stop climing on their chairs, to get out from underneath my desk, to stop pestering their neighbor, to stop turning off the lights, to stop talking long enough for me to get a few words in......you get the picture. It's draining. And I have been getting drained for years now. I need nourishment of my own. I need to be taught.
So, today...after Primary was over...I told the Primary President that I wanted out. Ok...so not necessarily those exact words. I explained to her, as I did with you just now, and she was really nice about it and said she would get it taken care of for me.
But, I was taught to accept your calling. And I'm ducking out. I don't feel bad. But should I feel bad for not feeling bad? I don't know. All I know is that I'm tired. And I dread going to church because I know what's coming. And that IS bad.
So, now you know. I don't know why I told all of you. Actually, yes I do. Let me know it was ok for me to do that. I need some words of affirmation again ladies. So, show me some love. :0)
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Oh, come with me to Primary...
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11 comments:
hi ashlee ~ i understand. it will be fine. sometimes you have to say something. blessings and peace, kathleen (hugs)
You absolutely cannot feel bad!
Jeremiah 2:13 For my people have committed two evils; they have forsaken me the fountain of living waters, and hewed them out cisterns, broken cisterns, that can hold no water.
You have not forsaken Him, but I wanted to point out the whole 'living water' connection here.
You are supposed to filling up these kids. You are supposed to be teaching them how to be whole cisterns, and how to hold the Living Water that is God.
You cannot possibly do all of these things if you do not have a full cistern yourself.
You are in the right here. Very much in the right. Take a break, get yourself filled back up. When you are filled up, you'll be able to give SO MUCH more.
It is my opinion that the presidency should ask primary teachers after a year if they are ready for a new calling. I love primary too, and have spent a lot of time there, but everyone needs a change. I think sometimes, leaders just get busy and don't realize how long people have been in their callings. Especially the ones that do such a great job.
I have also been living in Primary most of my adult life. I don't have the guts to do what you did! I think it is hard when you have a challenging 2 year old or in my case...a challenging 4 year old and then you get to come into primary and be with even more children. Sometimes you just need a break!!
I totally understand getting burned out. This is the first time since I was 18 that I haven't been in primary. I'm sure you prayed about it and if you felt right about asking to be released then it was the righ thing to do.
I asked to be released after teaching sunbeams for forever. The primary presidency IS supposed to have quarterly interviews to make sure the teachers are happy. Do you worry about what else you might get?
Of course it's ok, my little princess. You know when you need more growth spiritually. It's your job to understand your relationship with God and move forward where you think you're supposed to go.
A lot of people would not have the courage to step down. Good for you! That's exciting.
You definitely did the right thing. Good for you for standing up for yourself. A lot of people can't and just keep being miserable. It is not worth it. Take a break and spiritually feed yourself. Someday you'll feel the need to go back:) You'll know when that time is! Good luck!
I have inwardly been cursing my scouting calling...so as punishment I just got called on Sunday to be a teacher in relief society...so watch out sister! :o)
you can't let your own spiritual development stagnate. you were totally in the right.
I understand. Me and Jake were in there for years and after watching kids 24/7 you need that adult time to grow.
Rachelle
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