Oh, come with me to Primary...

Today....I'm going to reveal how "selfish" I am.

I was taught to never turn down a calling in church. Whatever I was asked to do, I should accept it and be grateful for the opportunity. Right? And so I've done that.

Since becoming an adult and going to the family ward where you begin to get jobs to do...this has been my "lot"

14-15 year old Sunday School: 1 year
moved to Buhl
CTR 8 Primary: 1 year
moved to TF
CTR 8 Primary: 2 1/2 years
moved into house
12- 13 year old Sunday School: 1 1/2 years
Choir pianist/Primary fill in pianist: 1 year
2nd Counselor in Primary: 1 year
moved into current home
CTR 6 Primary: 1 year

For those of you unaware of what Primary is, it is where the kids that are aged 3-11 go to learn about Jesus. Got it? Ok...we'll move on.

Are you catching the trend? I have practically LIVED in Primary my entire adult life. Which is when we're supposed to be out of Primary learning "bigger" things. Right? Yes....not so much for Ashlee.

Here's where the selfish part comes in.

I'm done. I can't do it anymore. I love Primary. I do. I love the innocent faith of all the little kids in Jr. Primary. But, I need more. I get absolutely nothing out of church. Nada. I fight with my 2 year old during sacrament meeting {where we all get together for talks...much like a sermon} because she can't sit still...and then I get two more hours of babysitting other parents' 6 year olds. I know...I'm being a little negative here. But at this point, that is beginning to feel like what it is. A babysitting job. I know I'm teaching them important things. And I love it when they understand. In fact, today I taught them about gratitude and how important it is to say thank you to people and to God for everything we have. For fun, I taught them how to say thank you in six different languages. They thought it was hilarious. And it was funny listening to them try to say it in Japanese. :0) But, in the middle of all of this I am attempting to get them to stop climing on their chairs, to get out from underneath my desk, to stop pestering their neighbor, to stop turning off the lights, to stop talking long enough for me to get a few words in......you get the picture. It's draining. And I have been getting drained for years now. I need nourishment of my own. I need to be taught.
So, today...after Primary was over...I told the Primary President that I wanted out. Ok...so not necessarily those exact words. I explained to her, as I did with you just now, and she was really nice about it and said she would get it taken care of for me.
But, I was taught to accept your calling. And I'm ducking out. I don't feel bad. But should I feel bad for not feeling bad? I don't know. All I know is that I'm tired. And I dread going to church because I know what's coming. And that IS bad.
So, now you know. I don't know why I told all of you. Actually, yes I do. Let me know it was ok for me to do that. I need some words of affirmation again ladies. So, show me some love. :0)