Friday, May 15, 2009

Bridge Over Troubled Water

Ok, this is going to be totally random....but that is the point of this blog right? :0)
As many of you know, my friend has been in the hospital all week. She was finally able to go home today. I've been just a tad bit preoccupied by it. :0) This isn't the first friend to be rushed to the emergency room these past few weeks either. It is almost surreal to see some of my closest friends having such a hard time. I honestly can't remember the last time I actually CRIED "for real", but I've done that a couple of times here recently. Life is so fragile and it scares me. One moment the world goes by as it usually does, and the very next it's almost as if you are in a different reality.
Anyway....I was thinking about all of this and looking at my "circle" and I kind of wondered....have I formed actual lasting relationships with people? I don't usually let people get too deep into my freakishness :0). I'm pretty sure I would scare off most people. Sure, I let them see glimpses, but for the most part I try to keep it pretty low key. {Low key according to Ashlee that is}
In my classes it is mentioned over and over again about how one of the major aspects of the healing process is the love and support that is offered. Having that support system relieves a lot of the excess pressure and lets the person know that they are not alone in their struggles. I'm not talking Relief Society love and support either {not that I would ever turn down a free meal from the Relief Society} :0)
For me, that almost seems like assigned support. I'm talking about the love and support from people that really know you....but they still love you anyway. :0) It's made me my attempt to stay somewhat "aloof" in my relationships, have I prevented myself from having the kind of relationships that I would hope for if I was put in the position that my friends are in right now?
I know....another "deep thoughts" post here. My brain is on overdrive right now. I feel like I've been running around with my head chopped off. But honestly, I can't say that I would change any of the chaos. :0) I think I have put more miles on my car in this last month than I have in the last year. I have truly enjoyed having a sense of purpose though. I would do it for any of you....and I'm not even kidding. You need me. I'm there.
Anyway....sorry for another late night rambling from me. Enjoy a bit of Simon and Garfunkel. They are truly a classic duo. :0)


Barbara said...

I love it when people can speak from their heart.
Thanks for sharing.... I needed to hear it this morning.

Montay said...

Love you to But not want to kiss you:)

AmyJ said...

Yes Ashlee we love you and we would all come visit you in the hospital. Do you feel better now?
You are such a great friend.

Ashlee said...

Amy, this post wasn't written so that I could have people tell me they love me. It was a self-reflective post. The question I am asking myself is not do my friends love me, or would you come visit me in the hospital {though I'm glad to know you'd come}. It was more about my ability to create lasting relationships and if I am creating roadblocks for myself.

sweetleslie said...

That was wierd. I posted and it didn't stick. Anyways, You are a true friend and when you get the surprise I hope you will see that a true friend doesn't need to reveal their whole selfs to be the real deal and believe me you are the real deal!