I had an awesome day yesterday. Got a lot of stuff done, which is always rewarding for me. Even though Kenzee wouldn't take a nap, I wouldn't let it bother me. Got to go send off a friend who is having her baby in Utah, and heading out this weekend for there. I won't see her again until after baby comes. We had fun chatting. I came home excited for things to come.
And then I came home. I ran online to check on something I had been anxiously waiting on for about 5 days now. As the screen popped up, I saw that my wait was over. But, then I was really nervous and didn't want to look. So, I said a silent prayer, hoping for the best, and scrolled down the screen. I wish I wouldn't have looked. I wasn't so happy anymore. I was angry at first. I ranted and raved to the hubby about it, and though he tried to make me feel better, I wasn't wanting to be told it was going to be ok. I wanted to be angry. I was going to tell this lady off and let her know how wrong she was. Ok, so I wasn't...but I thought about it for a long time. And then I started thinking of how I could convince her about how wrong she was. Yeah...can't do that either. There's nothing I can really do without making things worse. I hate that. I don't like feeling defeated. But that's how I feel right now. DEFEATED. Thankfully, I'm a bit of a fighter, so I'm not backing down. But I lost that round. And it really just.....sucks. {that's a naughty word in my house} So, I'm in a bad mood today. I can't help it. I'm not angry anymore, just really sad. I hate that you can work so hard for something, and mediocrity is all that is wanted. Going above and beyond is frowned upon apparently. I feel like I've been deflated. Do I cut myself short and be mediocre? I don't know...
Thankfully, I went over to my friend, Katie's, blog and she had some really awesome quotes posted today. Thanks so much! It helped me to remember a few things. I'm still not a happy girl, but it made me stop and think.
"Life is like riding a bike, in order to maintain your balance you must continue to move forward."
I'll get over this....eventually....but I don't know where to go from here. If mediocrity is ok, and creativity is not; but I'm a creative person, and hate mediocrity...what to do? Be bland, I guess. That's what I've resigned myself to. Bland is just so much harder for me.
